There is JOY in the morning! Good News of More Removal

I mentioned before that I stayed the night in Cole's room. I went into it knowing it would be hard, and I thought that would prepare me! Not so much. At 2:00 am, I was so tired I was sick to my stomach but I didn't want to go home because I knew I would just lay there wondering how Cole was.

Right now Cole is uncomfortable and that's just the way it is after something like this. I want to take away all his pain and discomfort, but at the same time that's not realistic after something like this. If it was, there would be no recovery time and it would be nice to have surgery and go home immediately after with no stay at the hospital and no pain.

The thing hurting Cole the most right now is having to cough from all the mucus from anesthesia. You can see him doing everything he can to not cough, and when he does, he cries. Every time he coughed during the night he cried "Need You Mom," and I would try to untangle from my blanket and hurry over and put my hand on his incision area. He needs pressure applied there if he sneezes or coughs to protect the breastbone so that it can grow back together correctly and the incision can heal. The other things causing discomfort are the chest tubes that drain excess fluid out away from his heart - where they are attached to his body they pull with any shifting.

He was upset all night. Cole's voice is so pitiful right now that he makes it even harder to not do what he wants done. He kept saying "Done, Mom," "Need You Mom," "Hold Me Mom," "Sleep In Your Bed Mom."

My bed last night was a bench in his room that I can tell you right now made me want to lose about 30 pounds. I think my hips are just a hair wider than that bench! Dr. Watts came in this morning, and I'm sure he sees lots of parents who have spent the night on that bench, but it is no pretty sight for him. He saw a mom who had mascara from the day before down her cheeks, hair halfway held in hair clips, and puffy eyes from crying and no sleep. My breath was so bad, and I am not kidding, it smelled like a dead animal. In addition, I did not make much sense when answering questions. I do remember that he asked "why is our little guy so agitated?" I kind of said as a question/statement "I think he's just acting like someone who just had surgery, I think he's unhappy but not unexpected unhappiness."

Dr. Watts said Cole will have one of the chest tubes removed today and his central line will be removed! Little by little Cole is becoming the little boy we all know and love again. His spirit is in there but it probably won't come out until later in the week. But, as all of these new attachments are slowly dropping off one by one, he will be more comfortable.

I came down to the 5th floor to update the blog because they were going to start the process to remove two more things and I don't like being there when that happens. One time I thought I could handle it, but when I tried I ended up leaving as quickly as possible because it's painful and Cole screams. They do it as quickly as they can and afterwards he is glad they did it because it makes him just a bit more comfortable.

Here is Cole after all the ouchies of removing some of the tubes and lines, sleeping peacefully.





On a sidenote, last night as I went to the car to get my blanket and pillow, a mommy was carrying her little boy (maybe 4-5 years old), hurrying him to the lobby of Levine's. He was crying like he was in pain and you could tell he had had treatment for cancer. I'm an emotional wreck right now anyway, and I never know when I will cry or if it will be manageable tears I can blink back and keep under control or an ugly cry where I cover my face because nobody should have to look at that kind of face:) BUT, this time it hit me in the two seconds it took for this mommy to hurry past with her little boy. It made me break down and cry in the parking deck because I can't imagine what that mommy is feeling and has been dealing with. Trying to be strong for her son (and possible other siblings) and maybe the daddy...or maybe he couldn't handle the stress and left her to deal with it by herself. Or maybe daddy had to stay with siblings because they didn't have someone to call so he could be there with his little boy. Please pray for this mommy and little boy that I passed last night.

There are millions of stories every day and there are hundreds right down here at the hospital. We are going through something I can't even put in words, but there are so many people going through much, much worse.

We are extremely humbled by everyone taking on our tough time right now as if it was their own and their own stuff taking a back seat. We know that what we are going through is not nearly as tremendous as what some of you are going through personally or with a family member and we do not take your support for granted!

I'm going to get recent pictures up as soon as my technologically advanced husband gets his hands on the camera and usb cord. These hospital computers are a bit different but thankfully we can even do the blog from here at all to update everyone!